04 August 2013

on weddings

Last night we attended Serenity's wedding.
It was absolutely lovely. She looked beautiful and radiant. As expected, it was full of bling, peacock feathers, twinkly lights, draped fabric, and a great DJ. Open bar, candy bar, amazing food. Most importantly, it was full of kind words, congratulations, clever speeches, sweet vows, and many near-tear moments. That couple is so loved- by each other and by the family & friends in attendance. They are going to have such a great life together.

Throughout the night I found myself, of course, missing Chris. Not only as my party companion, but as my husband.

I have told myself it's no big deal if we never have a wedding (in my opinion, we got married; we didn't have a wedding. There is a difference.) In reality, it's just a big expensive party, but I do like big expensive parties. :o) I did figure that, getting married the way we did, I'd probably feel like I missed out on some things. This is just the first time I've had a chance to experience those feelings firsthand.

So I watched this couple share all of the traditional rites: First dance, cutting the cake, etc. I thought about how Chris and I can't look back on our first dance as husband and wife, because we literally haven't danced as husband and wife.

Not that they make a marriage any stronger, but I feel like these things might be more psychologically important than I initially thought. These rituals are all part of the wedding celebration for a reason. They're part of our society's wax seal on marriage.

Of course there were many factors contributing to our particular sequence of events. Some of them I agree with; some I don't. There is no sense in wishing things were different because you never know what else might have happened instead.

I also need to remember that while other wives dance at their wedding receptions and fold their husband's underwear, mine is out being a sniper while I wash his "blast-protective undergarments." Jesus.

I don't know if Chris and I will ever have a wedding reception- I don't know if we'll have a better use for the money, or even feel like planning one. I don't know if I will eventually realize that these things are overrated, or if I will always wish I had gotten to experience them.
That's just the thing; I don't know.

Either way, I'll continue to enjoy other people's wonderful wedding celebrations, and feel happy that I get to help celebrate their big day. And dress up and enjoy the free food and booze. ;o)

And-- enjoy my marriage to my perfect-for-me husband.

P.S. On an unrelated note, I'm watching Orange is the new Black. It doesn't have me completely obsessed, but it's good enough to keep me watching.

1 comment:

Jen said...

I feel ya. You know I had no wedding either...and didn't even have my parents present at the court either. We didn't even go away for the weekend, just went back to normal, you know how it ended. Thank god I didn't spend money for the big church and reception...it would have been a complete waste because of we'll, you know.

I do feel that part of the tradition does impact you psychologically...but in the end like you said, you have a perfect for you hubby! That's what matters :)

Plus, who knows. You can still have the big party. Vow renewals?