on weddings

Last night we attended Serenity's wedding.
It was absolutely lovely. She looked beautiful and radiant. As expected, it was full of bling, peacock feathers, twinkly lights, draped fabric, and a great DJ. Open bar, candy bar, amazing food. Most importantly, it was full of kind words, congratulations, clever speeches, sweet vows, and many near-tear moments. That couple is so loved- by each other and by the family & friends in attendance. They are going to have such a great life together.

Throughout the night I found myself, of course, missing Chris. Not only as my party companion, but as my husband.

I have told myself it's no big deal if we never have a wedding (in my opinion, we got married; we didn't have a wedding. There is a difference.) In reality, it's just a big expensive party, but I do like big expensive parties. :o) I did figure that, getting married the way we did, I'd probably feel like I missed out on some things. This is just the first time I've had a chance to experience those feelings firsthand.

So I watched this couple share all of the traditional rites: First dance, cutting the cake, etc. I thought about how Chris and I can't look back on our first dance as husband and wife, because we literally haven't danced as husband and wife.

Not that they make a marriage any stronger, but I feel like these things might be more psychologically important than I initially thought. These rituals are all part of the wedding celebration for a reason. They're part of our society's wax seal on marriage.

Of course there were many factors contributing to our particular sequence of events. Some of them I agree with; some I don't. There is no sense in wishing things were different because you never know what else might have happened instead.

I also need to remember that while other wives dance at their wedding receptions and fold their husband's underwear, mine is out being a sniper while I wash his "blast-protective undergarments." Jesus.

I don't know if Chris and I will ever have a wedding reception- I don't know if we'll have a better use for the money, or even feel like planning one. I don't know if I will eventually realize that these things are overrated, or if I will always wish I had gotten to experience them.
That's just the thing; I don't know.

Either way, I'll continue to enjoy other people's wonderful wedding celebrations, and feel happy that I get to help celebrate their big day. And dress up and enjoy the free food and booze. ;o)

And-- enjoy my marriage to my perfect-for-me husband.

P.S. On an unrelated note, I'm watching Orange is the new Black. It doesn't have me completely obsessed, but it's good enough to keep me watching.