19 September 2010

honestly,

I never wanted this.

This affects my life, every single day, but I never had any say in it. Instead I'm supportive while it's the little black cloud being annoying and following me around everywhere. I'm ready for my life to move on, not hang in the balance of text messages and 10-minute half-assed phone calls every weekend. It's just not very fulfilling for the sacrifice I feel like I'm making. I guess that's part of the sacrifice, or the commitment, or whatever you want to call it.

I like my job, my family, my friends, and pretty much every other aspect of my life- except my love life. I want to be happy, not waiting around to be happy. It's all wrapped up dormantly, buzzing to be opened up. I sound like a broken record, but I'm just not a very patient person.

The question is, how long do I let it affect my life? I don't know, maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow. I can't be optimistic and perky all the damn time. I'm allowed to be a little resentful every once in a while, right?

Oh, and my toe freaking HURTS! Tomorrow should be interesting.

Oh, and I think I'm going to start going to church again. With Missy. With the Catholics. Oh, the kneeling! But I feel good about it.

1 comment:

  1. we need a girls night (read: b*tch fest)!

    p.s. you can always come to Mass with us! it's a little more distracting with a wild baby though :-)

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