Ok guys.
I am in a tough place right now.
There's no way I'm going anywhere. For better or for worse and I mean it. You don't throw relationships away when things get a little rough.
You might fight or have hurt feelings. Someone may act like a jackass but good friends are like family and they never go away. Things mend. People apologize and things forgiven. People earn trust back.
And when these people are in a tough spot you don't abandon them. You stick by their side, through it ALL.
Well, like I said, I'm in a tough place, though not as tough as him. It's times like these when I wish that I knew what to say, knew how to pierce a ray of sunshine through that shell he retreats into. Make something stick. Coax some hope from somewhere within the numbness that seems to wash over and paralyze. I wish I had that super power, that magic wand.
But, I don't. All I have is myself and the ability to be there when he chooses to need me.
I want to make myself very clear when I state my intentions to stay right here. These intentions only apply until he decides to do that thing where he ignores me for days at a time. Then, I consider my efforts to be unappreciated and taken advantage of, and that is something I refuse to do again. When that happens I consider it a severed relationship.
I dove into this with the full knowledge and expectation that this might happen again. I am stronger this time and know what to expect. But I won't be able to take that again.
So. As I stood here feeling helpless not knowing what to do, and not wanting to lose what I've been through so much to acquire, a thought occured to me.
I could pray.
I know I just got through talking about how I don't have much faith lately, but when everything else is in the shithole you still always have God.
So I prayed. With all my heart. And I'm going to keep praying. And I'm going to ask for help from those with a little more faith than me.
Take a minute to send a prayer. Ask God to help him out. Bust out that rosary and say a quick one for him. It couldn't hurt.
Like I said before, all I want is him back, happy, fart jokes and all.
Count me in on this one. I'll send a couple his (and your) way.
ReplyDeleteMy husband who after 30 years is still the love of my life suffers from bouts of severe depression. I know how hard it is to be in a relationship with someone like that. There really is not much you can do except for keeping a positive energy around yourself and pray.
ReplyDeleteI have learned through the years to refuse to let negative energy get me down because it is dangerous. You can not put out fire with fire and you can not heal someone else when you are physically drained. So I do everything in my power to remain positive, happy and bubbly. In time that energy does help to lift him up.
Through time, I have also learned to focus on me, and that seems to really have helped him as well.
Blessings and sending loving energy to your situation
~Deborah
In response to your question on my blog...
ReplyDeleteEarly in my relationship I didn't really understand depression and I would sometimes take it personally like I was part of the problem. I would let myself get sucked into it and I not only became mentally drained I actually became physically ill.
I started suffering from severe anxiety and panic attacks. When my doctor asked me to start seeing a psychiatrist I realized that I had to do something to help myself.
So I started focusing on me. Doing things that made me feel better. I took my son and we went hiking and did things together, I experimented with things like aromatherapy, self healing and meditation. I surrounded myself with positive energy, things that made me happy.
I have learned over the years that when he has a bout of depression, it has nothing to do with me, and if I continue to get sucked into it we both suffer, and my son suffers.
So now I remain strong and happy and bubbly and my strength seems to have a positive effect on him. I have surprised myself because I never knew I had it in me to be so strong. And when he is down, I give him the space he needs to deal with it. When he sees that I am not going to be a part of the pity party, he eventually comes around.
If you would like to e-mail me, I would be happy to lend an listening ear. I know how lonely it can be as depression is not an easy thing for people to understand. my e-mail address is deborah@indigodaisy.com
blessings and more loving energy to you ~Deborah
You got it *busts out with the Mexican-Catholic-ness*
ReplyDeleteThis indigo-daisy really hit the nail on the head with her comments. The ex-you-know-who frequently had bouts of severe depression, and it affected me in the same ways that she described. I've been in that boat before...we can compare notes, if you want. Call/text/e-mail/myspace message/meet at Starbucks/whatever you'd like!