wormholes

I check my email and surf the internet while I eat breakfast. Today's is a bagel egg sandwich and a couple snickerdoodles washed down with coffee. Mmm. I love it when I bake. More importantly, I love it when I bake and it tastes good.

So I was thinking last night, but was way too tired to actually splurt it out on the internet.

I have a lot of things to get over. To come to terms with. To let go.

I mean, I'm normally a "whatever" type of person. It happened, so be it, let's move on and not dwell. Big and small. But some things are harder to shake off. Whether they've had an extra-profound impact on me or taught me an especially valuable life lesson, or maybe just scared the hell out of me. I don't know why there are some things that are more difficult to be okay with. To not have the same reaction to over and over again depsite my wanting to change.

I'm a big fan of reality. Reality has gotten me through several fantasy-fueled heartaches and hills. The first time you accept it, it stings. But after you keep reminding yourself, it turns into a dull ache and finally it's just a fact of life that you don't think about anymore.

See? I have these processes that I put myself through, mentally. They get me through tough times and for the most part they work. There are several stubborn things that are taking longer, though. Little things that pop up now and then and all of a sudden I'm sucked back through the wormhole to the past.

These things that I speak of, vaguely so I don't have to follow with a long story having to explain them, are largely unjustifiable. When I remind myself of the reality, my fears are not backed. So why do I keep returning to the same conclusion? It's a glitch in the mental process formed by extra-strong emotions. I hope it's not intuition.

Either way, only time will heal and only time will tell. In the meantime I have to go against my natural inclination to over-analyze and instead go with the flow. I've been getting better at that whole "go with the flow" thing.