03 January 2010

I resolve!

Resolutions.
Haven't really had time to sit and think about them until now.
This is the first year that I haven't looked forward to the new year with optimistic feelings.

It seems like since I've turned 25, a switch has been flipped. It was acceptable for me to be still in school, living in my mama's garage while I was 24, but once I turned 25 I began to feel even more restless to be an adult. Like I've had enough time to figure shit out and make it happen, and now it's just pathetic to be borrowing time against whatever biological clock I've all of a sudden got ticking.

It's 2010- the year that's been next to University of Houston as my projected graduation date on facebook for a long time. It's finally 2010, and I'm even more restless. I've got 8 very long months to go. I still feel excitement when I mentally fast-forward to August. I'm so ready to be done.

I feel burnt out with school. I think I've simply taken too many exams and studied too many Saturday nights to really care about it anymore. Now I'm just going through the motions and hoping most of the information sticks or is reinforced by repetition or actual use. That's the good thing about this stuff I've been learning- we actually use it. I think that's what's keeping me going.

We start rotations tomorrow and I have no idea what that will be like. At least so far in my college career I've had a good idea what the coming semester will be like. Here, it's completely new. I can't make any mental plans yet; I just have to go in and see what it's like. I know it will probably be good, but the unknown is making me anxious.

That, and Chris is leaving in a week and it's kinda putting a damper on my mood. I'm used to him being around, especially when I need some comfort after a particularly stressful day. That's another unknown being thrown on to the pile of anxious.

It's like all these things are hitting me at once and making it hard to think positive. Once things start rolling I know I'll feel better.

So, my resolutions.

1. I want to exercise- no really. I always say this, and I always go through spurts of exercising and not exercising throughout the year. It's better than nothing, I guess. I can't afford a gym membership or anything like that, so I've been looking for a cheap bike on Craigslist and I guess I can always run or do workout tapes. My goal is to make it through school to graduation and not have any extra weight. If I lose the 5 pounds I've gained this past semester, that's cool, but I'm not too worried about it. I kinda like that extra curvage. I need to find a workout buddy, because I really do keep on track when someone's doing it with me. Takers?
Recap: Graduate without gaining weight. Vicky has that on tape from New Year's Eve, haha.

2. Cook more. Picture this: I come home from school starving, and while I'm thinking about what to eat for dinner I grab a granola bar, some cookies, a pickle, piece of cheese, and some popcorn left on the counter from last night. Then I'm not even hungry and I've eaten a random assortment of crap for dinner. I need to have self-control and patience. Ooh, those are big ones to tackle.

3. Since August I've slowly stopped caring so much about how I look. I used to never walk out of the house with frizzy hair. I'd figure out some way to make it look presentable, and then I'd worry that it had gotten frizzy once I'd left the house. If I had a zit, you can bet it was covered up with makeup. I usually wore mascara and a little blush every single day. Nothing crazy, but it was my routine.
As the semester got busier and I got more tired, I'd leave for school sans makeup (zit or no zit), and if my hair got frizzy it was the least of my worries. Most of my classmates did the same. I don't know if it was the fact that I was too busy and tired to care about my looks, or if I was growing up and abandoning the last of my adolescent self-consciousness, but either way I can walk out of the house in any state and not worry about what people think of me. Of course I'm not going to neglect my personal hygiene or start looking like Broom Hilda, but I like this unplanned change in attitude. It feels free. I plan to keep it this way.

4. Spend more time with friends. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed and caught up in schoolwork that I forget to take a break. I need to step away from school and clear my head. I managed to do this fairly often last semester, and I want to keep it up. I'm thinking of organizing a weekly or bi-weekly event, like game night & potluck dinner, redbox night, or jogging photography. Something cheap for sure, but scheduled so I can plan for it.

Well, that's it for now. They're pretty standard resolutions, but I feel like that's what I need to get me over this New Year's funk.

4 comments:

  1. good luck! i miss u!!!! i'll bring coasters when i come to town this summer...

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  2. Well, I'd be your workout buddy if I were in the same state. :)
    I feel you on the school stuff. Both the being sick of it (even tho I've been free from it for a year), and the anxiousness that comes from not knowing quite what to expect in the upcoming semester. I hope it goes well for both of us!

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  3. Wow. Your resolutions are a lot like mine. All of them actually, I have a few more too. Lifestyle changes I call them. Anyway, if you want to do the Slim in 6 program with me, let me know!! I want to be a MILF. =) jk. kind of.

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  4. What is slim in 6? And honey you already are a milf. If I was a boy I'd tap that, hahaha

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